To Disappoint You
by chrissie0707
Summary: Very short midep, in the AV lab, one shot of Grave Danger. It's their fault for airing it again.


**A/N **Hey guys. So, I'm assuming that everyone knows that they re-re-ran "Grave Danger" last night. I watched it, went about my business all day today, and then tonight at work, some crazy little plot bunny jumped out of nowhere (I guess he was hiding in a fry vat) and started attacking me mercilessly. I spent the rest of the night writing this in my head and then trying not to forget it on the long drive home.

This a very short, mid-episode one shot deal. I wasn't ficcing when "GD" was aired the first time, or I might have had this then. As it is, you get it now...very, very late.

Still plucking away at "B and E"...chew on this to hold you over.

Chrissie

(I don't own, operate, or participate in any kind of affiliation with CBS or CSI. As if you thought I did.)

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**To Disappoint You

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**

_Mom…Cisco…I know this is a lousy way to say goodbye, but it's all I've got._

Gil Grissom's lips moved in a silent litany as he mouthed the words along with the figure on the screen as he spoke them. The room was dark, and the image in front of him illuminated the small space in an eerie, bright blue-green glow. Green from the screen, blue from the equipment. It was bright enough to hurt his eyes, but his pain didn't matter at the moment.

When he saw Nick fumble for the recorder and bring it clumsily to his lips, Grissom couldn't stop himself from dimming the light and leaning in close, not willing to miss a single word. In a way, it was a private moment, something just for Nick. That moment had been taken away from him, and his full-out heart and soul last words were on display.

There was a tug in his stomach that this wasn't right. That this was Nick's alone, and that he was invading on his privacy. Well, they had been doing that all day…and there was even harder tug telling him that he needed to pay attention and not miss a word…that he might catch something to help Nick.

Was he waiting for a hint that Nick was giving in? Giving up?

If Sara were in her normal frame of mind, she might have remembered that Grissom had spent his life reading lips, and asked him to say aloud what Nick was saying, but those in the room were oblivious to each other in that moment. Sara was frozen in her seat, her tear-stained face gazing slackly at Nick's.

For the moment, nothing else was more important, and they were each locked, trancelike, to the image that lay before them.

Grissom stared unblinking at the screen in front of him. There was nothing in the world more deserving of his attention.

_I love you. You raised me right…and I'm going to miss you._

It was utterly heart-wrenching. He didn't need to be able to hear Nick's words to hear the crack in his voice, or a sob as he choked back tears. It was crystal clear in his head. Thank God his eyes were focused so intently on Nick's lips, or he would have had to see that strong face falter. It was more than enough to catch the glistening of tears wet the skin around his mouth. Grissom's eyes stung an unfamiliar sting as he waited for Nick to collect himself enough to continue.

_As for the rest of you guys…_

Grissom's eyes narrowed, and, if possible, his brain focused even more power into reading even minute detail of the movement of Nick's lips.

_I know you did the best you could to find me._

Did we? Grissom thought suddenly, blinking and momentarily breaking his concentration. Is there something we missed? It was wrong, so wrong. Never had he thought that anything like this would have happened. Not to his guys.

Should he be out there? Searching for clues instead of fixating on a computer screen? The next thing he saw brought the answer from a tiny voice in his head – a resounding 'no'.

_Grissom…_

His eyes had ticked back just in time…and time itself seemed to stop. Grissom couldn't breathe, and he could have sworn that he even felt his heart stop for that briefest of moments.

He must have seen something wrong, a way that Nick's lips moved…he was rusty, he hadn't done this in a while…

_I never meant to disappoint you._

No. It was real. The pain in Nick's eyes told him that it was real.

And in the span of a second, Grissom's whole being stopped and restarted itself.

There had to be a happy ending to this story. Nick thought that he was going to die, and die a disappointment to the one person that he had always strived to be better for. _Do you know why I took this job…because I want you to think that I'm a good CSI._

It couldn't end there. Not like that. Grissom sure knew what happened to the body after you died…but what about the soul? What if Nick spent the rest of eternity with this false idea that he had let Grissom down somewhere along the way?

When had this happened? When hadn't Grissom been there, lending advice, an ear? As a mentor, as a colleague…as a friend? That little voice wormed its way back in through the static of his mind…_ever._

He had had and passed up so many opportunities to make sure that his CSI felt like he was being an integral part of the team. That his life's work meant something. That he had a purpose, and that he was making Grissom proud. There was only so far a "good work" could take you.

He could have…he _should_ have done more.

Grissom swallowed, and he felt himself tense as though Sara was going to speak up. Yell, cry, scream, hit him even.

There was nothing but silence.

He couldn't let it end in silence.

"No, you never did, Nick," he whispered, audible to no one else, barely audible to himself.

_It was me that let you down. I never meant to disappoint you._

_I won't disappoint you again._


End file.
